What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
