my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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