If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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