Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
