Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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