I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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