But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
