I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
