I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
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and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
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Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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