Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
