New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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