she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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