DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
