my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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