We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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