My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
