i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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