why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
