You're my little dorito
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
