your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
