So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
