I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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