he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
