Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
