We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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