I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
