iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
