I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
