What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
