I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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