im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
