Your tits are I can't wait for
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
