I wish i was in the wii world.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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