yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
