It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
