Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
