I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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