friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
