$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
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