At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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