i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
