Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
