I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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