none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
