i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
