something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize