So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
