Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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