I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
