I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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