Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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