I wannas sexs uuuuu
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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