never play flip cup with pint glasses
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
