my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
