What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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