Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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