It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
