I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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