goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize