I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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