honey bunches of taint.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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