dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
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I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
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His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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