You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
