I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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