am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
