I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
