Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
