Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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