Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
