If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
