we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
