i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk is not a location!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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